


Thank you for your Light

by HoneyndSmoke



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Changbin pov, Fluff and Angst, M/M, My First Fanfic, Seo Changbin is Whipped, What Have I Done, angst doesnt happen until the end, changbin was kind of a sad boy, felix is an angel, who isn't for felix tho, wow im bad at titles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:41:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23032636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HoneyndSmoke/pseuds/HoneyndSmoke
Summary: As the sun burns into his cold pale skin Changbin has a deep gaze into the past and present of his and Felix's story. As the leaves sputter to the ground and the clouds cover the sun sluggishly, Changbin can't say much but "thank you."
Relationships: Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Comments: 3
Kudos: 15





	Thank you for your Light

“First of all, I would like to say thank you.  
Thank you for running face first into my crisp and pressed white button up, painting it a scalding brown the day I came jittering for the first day in our company. You had gotten there early and had the displeasure of meeting that dick Travis who made the new intern take a coffee run before making himself useful and the moment I laid eyes on you I felt my gut turn upside down. Firstly in rage, however that died out about three seconds after I looked into your tear-glitter eyes and freckled spattered face as mumbles of broken korean and english flew from your lips like prayers. At the time, I could only nod you off before Travis decided to extend his reign of wrath on the both of us. It's odd to think that such a fast paced and less than mind blowing encounter would develop in the way it did, if you think about it honestly. However that second developed into the single most important moment in my life.

Thank you for taking my ever cold hands in yours and leading me out of the rain that pierced my bones, for pulling me out of the neverending ocean that crashed upon me day after day. I had been stuck and the tides had pulled me over time after time while people just watched. As friends grew distant, wide smiles fading into wind and whispers of concern, although I realize now that it was not their fault, as you showed me that it was me pushing and them being compliant. You did not. Stay compliant that it. Took my wrist after every day in those tanned and baby sized hands and brought me to a coffee shop. Yeah, you had answered, the same coffee that was drenched on you on day 1. We had laughed about it, and you hadn't known, but that was the first time I had laughed in such a long time. The cold numb ocean inside of me warmed just the slightest bit that day.

Thank you for being able to deal with my emotionally constipated ass as I missed every single goddamn sign you put down and assumed that such a pretty blonde boy such as yourself would never see me in a light I saw you in. I had felt like the moon watching the sun. Little had I known that, the sun too, watched the moon. You were the one to finally make the first move after a game of cat and mouse that lasted far too long much to everyone's expense. I still remember like it was yesterday when you had taken me to that same little coffee shop and sat me down in our spot, always that same spot in the left corner nuzzled underneath an amusingly huge picture of coffee beans that had no right being so vast, and you had done it oh so fast. You told me later you had gone at it like ripping off a bandaid, and I remember the look right after you had said it, a mix of strong hope and even stronger disappear. It's something I never wanted to see again. You had thought you knew my answer, that a short sharp looking guy in south korea couldn't possibly fall for another guy, or, at least that's what your family had always told you. I disliked them immensely. They were overwhelmingly wrong. I would use other terms, yet you told me not to. You were far too kind.

Thank you for bringing me into the light once again, gifting me the happiest years i've ever had and showing me brightness through that sunshine grin you sported. Thank you for always being there when I woke up, splayed out over me as beams from the high morning highlighted the golden halo sporting your head, shadowing the dark lashed resting upon starkissed cheeks and a little button nose.The deep dark timber of your voice in the mornings when your fingers scratched through the ink black mess of my hair and you would talk. About anything. About everything. I remember responding and thinking my voice sounded striped course and scratched next to your honey tone, but in its own way it was perfect. I’m sorry that there were days that I had been the one to leave, to tear myself away from such a precious thing. I had felt unworthy, honestly still do. But how could I not when you smiled like that and told me you love me. When your eyes glittered when you came home to a cup of coffee and a sleepy drowsy shorty like me waiting for you.

Thank you for staying strong when the doctor sat us down and announced the words that changed our lives forever and knocked us into a plane of shock not yet known to man. The plane white steril walls of the office suffocated me worse than the ocean waves ever could have. All of a sudden my ears had gone deaf, my tongue tasteless and my eyes blinded. That day was almost as pivotal as our first. I remember the look the doctor had given us, the pathetic smile, and I remember looking up to you and seeing that expression again. A cocktail of hope and despair, and yet a somber smile graced your lips. There had been tears in your eyes and there was no doubt I looked anything but a mess. ‘Hyung is sorry’ I had said, sobbing into your collarbone that I knew was littered with freckles under your shirt. ‘Why does hyung have to be sorry’ you had asked but I was too far gone to be able to voice an answer. You stayed strong for me, a grace I wish to return. Thank you for being the one smiling as I sobbed into your arms as my life was created and ripped apart all at once that very day.

You, sparkling as the pure sand, quenching as the crystal waterfalls, steadying as the shade of palm trees, warming as the bright sun, saved my life. A smile of grinning teeth and a halo of brilliant golden sandy hair. Freckles that you had hated and grown to love, by god are they beautiful. With waves of anxiety and moments of vulnerability, a similar difficulty we had in expressing our pains that we worked over together. The never ending compassion even for those who did you wrong.

On the candy lime green grass, clouds creating patterned rays and shade over the floor, those bright big sunflowers crunched in my hands littering with the little white ones you had always loved, what were they called again, I didn’t know. So, while the setting was not adequate for you, although nothing earthly could be, I ask. Will you Marry me?" Or rather, I think, looking ahead to the dull stone engraved in your name, would you have?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first time writing fanfics and,, well, publishing them hehe. I'm just a sensitive boy so don't be too mean even though I know it has lots of issues lol. Constructive criticism really super duper appreciated :]]]!


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